But that night, in the darkness, Laban took Leah, his older daughter (who was described as lacking a spark in her eyes) to Jacob, and he slept with her.
“You must not marry any of these Canaanite women. Instead, go at once to Paddan-aram and marry one of your cousins. May God bless you and give you many inbred children. Nations, descendants, all that jazz. Oh, and lots of land.”
So Jacob got the goats and Rebekah made goat mac n cheese.
“Why are you here?” Isaac asked. “You obviously hate me.”
Abraham gave everything he owned to Isaac, but gave gifts to his other sons and sent them to live in the east, away from Isaac. (I guess he didn’t want a Cain/Abel situation.)
She was beautiful, old enough to be married, and still a virgin. Check, check, check.
Sarah died when she was 127, in Hebron. Abraham said to the Hittite elders, “I am a stranger among you. Please sell me a piece of land so I can give my wife/sister a proper burial.”