Bible Translation: Genesis, Chapter 36 & 37 (Snitches Get Stitches)

Ice Cube gif: snitches get stitches

Esau had lots of kids.


Jacob moved to Canaan again.
His son Joseph was a snitch. At the age of 17, he tended his father’s flocks under his half brothers. But he was an informant for his father, reporting on the bad things his brothers were doing.

Jacob loved Joseph more than his other children because Joseph was born when Jacob was an old man. So Jacob had a beautiful robe made for Joseph. But his brothers hated him.

One night Joseph had a dream that made his brothers hate him even more. “We were in the field tying bundles of grain. Suddenly my bundle stood and your bundles bowed before mine!”
His brothers responded, “So you think you’ll be our king?”
Soon he told his brothers of another dream. “Even the sun, moon and eleven stars bowed before me!” (Must have been some dark nights with only eleven stars in the sky.)
He also told his father about this dream. His dad said, “Pfft. Will we all actually bow before you?” But he secretly wondered what the dreams meant.
Soon after this, Jacob sent Joseph after his brothers, who were pasturing his flocks in Shechem. “See how they’re doing and bring me back a report.”
A man in Shechem told Joseph his brothers had moved on to Dothan, so Joseph followed on.


When Joseph’s brothers saw him coming, they made plans to kill him. “Let’s kill the dreamer and throw his body into a cistern. We’ll tell dad a wild animal ate him.”
But Reuben had a different plan. “Let’s not shed any blood. We can just throw him into the cistern where he’ll die slowly.” But he was secretly planning on rescuing him.
When Joseph arrived they ripped his robe off and tossed him into the empty cistern. As they sat to eat, a caravan of Ishmaelite traders on camelback approached.
Judah said to his brothers, “Even if we just let Joseph die, we’ll have to come up with a lie. What will we gain? Let’s sell him to those traders. After all, he is our brother.” So they sold him for 20 pieces of silver.

Apparently Rebuen missed the selling of his brother, because he returned to pull Joseph from the cistern. When he saw Joseph was gone, he tore is clothes in grief.

And they still had to lie to their dad. They dipped Joseph’s robe in sheep’s blood and sent it to Jacob.
He recognized it and said “A wild animal must have eaten Joseph. He’s been torn to pieces!” Then he tore his clothes and dressed in a burlap sack.

(What is with this family and ripping fabric?) He refused to be comforted by his family and said “I will die mourning my son.”
Meanwhile, the traders sold Joseph to Potiphar, an officer (and captain of the palace guard) of Pharaoh, the king of Egypt.

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