When everything was ready, God told Noah, “Get on the boat, for you are the only righteous person on earth. Take seven pairs of each animal I’ve approved for eating and sacrifice, and take one pair of the others. Also take seven pairs of every bird. There must be a male and a female in each pair to ensure life will survive after the flood. The flood will start in seven days and it will rain for 40 days and 40 nights.”
Noah followed instructions. God closed the door after them.
Noah was 600 when the flood started. On the 17th day of the 2nd month, water volcanoes erupted from the earth.
The boat rose as water covered the earth. Finally, the water covered even the highest mountain peak. Approximately 22 feet higher than the highest peak. All living creatures outside the ark died. The floodwaters covered the earth for 150 days.
God almost forgot about Noah and everyone on the ark. He sent a wind to blow across the earth, and the floodwaters began to recede. (No word on where the water went. If it all went into the soil, wouldn’t the earth become a sponge?) Exactly five months after the flood began, the ark stopped on the mountains of Ararat. More peaks became visible 2 1/2 months later.
Another forty days passed and Noah opened a window and released a raven named Edgar Allen Poe. It flew back and forth until the floodwaters had dried up. Noah also released a dove to find dry ground, but it couldn’t find a place to land so it returned to Noah’s hand. Noah released the dove after 7 more days. This time it returned in the evening with a fresh olive leaf in its beak. Noah knew the floodwaters were almost gone. Seven more days passed before he released the dove again. It didn’t come back.
Noah was 601 years old now and the earth was finally dry.
Then God said to Noah, “Leave the boat. Release the animals so they can have lots of babies.”
Then Noah built an altar to God and he sacrificed as burnt offerings the bureaucratically approved animals and birds. God was pleased with the smell of burnt flesh and said to himself, “Self, I will never again curse the human race, even though everything they think or imagine is evil from childhood.”
Apparently God just had a page or word count requirement to meet, because that was pointless.